Notes from Red Sox Game

Living in New York, so rarely do I get to watch Red Sox games on NESN (I am way too cheap for MLB.tv). Yesterday because of the 5:00 PM start time I decided to go to Professor Thom's after work and watch the game over a couple of beers. Here are some things I noticed:

• Heidi Watney is definitely an upgrade over Guinness World Record Holder for most grapes in one person's mouth, Tina Cervasio. It was definitely more relaxing staring at Heidi's perky chest when she droned on unmercilessly than watching career bobble head Cervasio suck up all the oxygen in the stadium.

• Remy was less drunk last night than usual. I mean he didn't even get his slur on. It was an extra inning game. You would figured he would have been tanked by 10th and going on about romantic trysts with Wallie. I suppose Remy has stopped hitting the bottle hard on weekday day games.

• Buchholz does not look confident on the mound. He throws some sick stuff but he has the mentality of a Little Leaguer with his overbearing father in the stands screaming at him. When he gave up the first HR, I almost thought he was about to break down and cry. The second HR actually caused him to break down on the mound. It was ugly.

• Is there a less impressive DH than Jose Vidro? Despite his performance last night, Vidro's season looks like Britney's attempt at parenthood. Is Seattle sure they don't want to trade for Kevin Cash to get an offensive upgrade? I thought Varitek's contract was bad, Seattle is paying Vidro 7.5 million to put up .607 OPS at DH. That is horrible. I was trying to think of more wasteful ways to burn money and so far all I got is jumping into a pile of gasoline soaked cash with a cigarette lit in your mouth (I pretty sure if you replace cigarette with opium pipe you have the way Scrooge McDuck went).

• Ellsbury is drowning. I don't know if he is distracted by some cute guy in the stands or something, but he does not look like a starting Major League player. I was shocked when he didn't attempt to steal when he finally got on base. He can't be the leadoff hitter anymore. He hasn't had a decent OBP for months. I almost hope he is the guy coming off the roster when Ortiz returns.
  

• I wish I could watch Sox Appeal. Nothing makes me happier than watching three North Shore girls trying to skank it up to some banker from Newton.